I remember a time when meeting someone who was just as damaged was a bit of a relief. Everyone walking…
I want to follow up the entries by Chris (Managing The Crazy) and Sarah (Defending The Crazy), as I have a similar opinion to add. Of course, I’m in no way trying to suggest the views are wrong, just sharing mine. I quiet enjoyed both articles.
I learned a long time ago, the hard way, that sometimes those methods aren’t enough. I tried managing what others called my crazy. I used to try and hold myself together. Often because I was afraid of what people would think if they knew how unstable I really was. So I would try to stay calm and rational. But it was repressing my personality and I didn’t realize. And sooner or later I’d always end up having an emotional break down. So I’d be left defending my actions. My outbursts. My insanity. And try as I might, I was never able to do so successfully. People would tell me it wasn’t “acceptable”, and that I should get myself on medication, or get myself help.
I did listen. I tried different medications, they all made me feel gray. For lack of a better term. So I tried seeing a therapist. So told me there was nothing wrong with me. That something must be wrong with the world that thinks there is. So, I decided to accept the way I am. Accept the flaws, the break downs, the insanity. And I embraced those “flaws” as the things that made me who I am. Sure, I’m “crazy” when I’m throwing your stuff on the lawn. But I’m that same “crazy” when I convince you to break into the abandoned building. It’s learning to accept that the same “crazy” a person hates about you is the same “crazy” they loved.
So now I introduce myself with the flaws, as I’ve mentioned in other entries. I let people know I’m bipolar. I advertise it at every chance I get. I wear a warning sign on my t-shirt because I want people to know what they’re getting into. If they don’t want to take the risk, they can walk away before investing time in a car case dream. Most of this is because I don’t believe in SSRIs. I know some people need them, I don’t judge or preach, but personally, I don’t want them. Because the same things that make me “crazy”, also make me creative. And, at the end of the day, I’m happy with the way I am, and care very little about what other people think of me.
I understand that mental disorders are always a touchy subject. But the fact of the matter is, and I think fewer people are inclined to embrace it, that we’re all a little crazy. I think we’re all a little unstable. And we’ve all got to accept that in ourselves, and everyone else. So there is no “perfect person” like the media has brainwashed us to believe all our lives. Your “manic pixie dream girl” is a sham of preconceptions. But, either way, you’ll find someone someday who will mesh with your crazy, and accept that it’s just the way you are.