Sad fucks.
— June 6, 2017I remember a time when meeting someone who was just as damaged was a bit of a relief. Everyone walking…
Successful Booty Calls
— April 23, 2015Today, I was asked to respond to this question for a website:
“Basically, if you are going to do the one-night stand, the booty call, the spontaneous hookup, how do you it in a less sleazy way — but still successfully, obviously.”
The trouble with sexuality is that everyone has a different perception. While I feel like we are in the middle of a new sexual revolution, we need to navigate booty calls with kid gloves because feelings are always involved. I’m not just speaking about your levels of affection toward each other – but all the other thoughts that are racing through our heads. Things like, is she going to think I’m attractive when my shirt is off? Will I be a disappointment with my stamina? Is my penis big enough? Thick enough? Do my balls smell? Did I remember to shower today? How is my breath? Does she know I don’t like my nipples being touched? I hope I can keep it up while I scramble to get the condom on.
And never mind the fact that every vagina is unique and respond to touches, licks, and fingers differently. There are so many thoughts and insecurities running through our head the first time we have sex with someone that it’s almost impossible to give a good performance. This is why alcohol is usually involved because it dulls that screaming anxiety but unfortunately makes for a lackluster hookup.
So did I answer the question?…
We are all sexual beings, male and female. The only distinction is how society perceives our sexuality. One where men tend to be applauded and women tend to be shamed. Booty calls are more prominent now than they ever were but the key is to make people feel comfortable with effective communication. If she feels like you don’t respect her, she is less likely to respond to your advances. You have to do your best to demonstrate that you are both adults with wants, needs, and desires and no one should feel ashamed for having those desires. Keep the offer light, yet with the opportunity to evolve if you both begin to feel progressively more invested. No one wants to feel backed into a corner, whether that is with the outright expectation of a one-night stand or the threat of an instantaneous relationship. Approach it like you are two people going on a roller coaster ride with the option to ride again if you both had fun. But the most important aspect of a successful booty-call is the assurance of aftercare. Letting them know that the level of respect you have for them will not be impacted simply because it was only one night. The goal I always had was that both of us should walk away with a hug and a smile, not a sigh and a regret.
Never rush flirting. It comes off as too eager and desperate – two aspects of a personality that no one ever finds sexy. Begin with light flirting, without being cheesy. Keep in mind that our style of flirting is always being judged and tested because people see it as indicative of how we are in bed. Men who are selfish in their flirting will be selfish in bed. While women might desire sex just as much as men, they have also been conditioned over years to be wary of disrespectful men. Typical lines like, “What is your bra size,” and “Send me a naked picture,” are boring and will only reduce you to average douchebag status. Whatever your intentions, take it slowly. Make them laugh and allow them to feel comfortable, because the more comfortable a person is, the more likely they are to respond to your advances. Drop subtle hints that you are interested and gauge her responses so you can more accurately discern her level of interest. One-night stand or not, people like the dance. The back and forth. They like the feeling of being desired and sexy. Keep this in mind when you’re in the moment. Focus your compliments more on the way they move and their innate sexuality more than body parts. And if you truly want to stay away from the sleazy aspect, learn to have fun with your flirting. Make her smile. Be playful. And never forget that confident smile is one of the sexiest attributes a man can possess.
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Basically, relax. Don’t go so hard. Everyone wants to feel comfortable and respected and the only way you’re going to get to that level is by being confident and not desperate or pushy. Be confident and assertive but always pay attention to cues and body language. Look, we’re all here and we all want to get off and have fun. But the only way to be truly successful is to make sure everyone has fun and leaves with a smile.
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