Strong, Secure, And Single

Strong, Secure, And Single

I guess I would consider myself lucky in a way that my questionable life choices have provided me the opportunity to meet a lot of people. Whether it is through emails or touring or in person over coffee, there have been so many people that have come into my life over the past 10 years since I began this ridiculously idealistic career. I have turned fans into friends and online dates into best friends. I have opened my life, my stories, and my secrets to so many incredible people that I sometimes forget just how many wonderful people I have been privileged to meet.

I have traveled literally around the world and continue to pick up a friend here and a friend there. I have kept up with your life and knowing that I can text a person a few blocks away or on another continent in the middle of the night when I’m feeling lonely or upset means the world to me. But what continues to disappoint me is seeing all of these brilliant people sell themselves short because I just wish I be there more often. I wish I could copy and paste conversations to all of you. Conversations where I tell you how absolutely astonishing you are. That so many of you are constant inspirations and I need you to know that I am silently cheering you on all the way over here.

And on Valentine’s day, I want you to know that you are marvelous with or without a relationship because I see so many phenomenal people feeling insecure because they are single. Now I don’t know if anyone has told you but your relationship status is in no way indicative of how beautiful, remarkable, or desirable you are as a person. Given enough time and a sliding scale of compromise, anyone can find a relationship if they truly want one and the truth is, most people out there settle. And you can’t judge yourself based upon how many pictures people post of flowers and dinners and little presents their significant other purchased for them. I know it’s tough to control that jealousy and there are nights when all you want is someone to be there for you. Someone to ask you about your day and someone to sneak kisses on your hand while you’re driving. Because it’s nice to feel wanted and desired. But you would be surprised at just how many relationships are awful or unhealthy out there. Just because they post a picture of them doing cute things together doesn’t change how potentially unhappy they might be when they put down their phone and step away from the photo-op. Relationships aren’t and should never be viewed as a end-all be-all of love. All of that inner-peace and loneliness can only be filled with self-empowering confidence. Because when you’re single and have no one to lean on, you learn to hold your own. Because there are nights when you are so sad that you think you might not make it another day and yet, you’re still here. Meaning, that you managed to fight through those rough nights alone. By yourself. Single. Because you didn’t need the shoulder of someone else to make it. And you really should understand how important that is to your development. Most of you have earned happiness but you keep looking in the wrong places and people to find it. Because you can’t expect to love anyone if you can’t learn to make yourself happy first.

I understand that there are social pressures, some unjustly stacked against women, that continue to guilt people into believing that their worth or social value is determined by whether or not they have a ring on their finger. But we are all in some stage of transition and some of us are simply unwilling to sacrifice what we are and what we need to be happy in order to appease our family or change our Facebook status. And there is nothing dismal about that. Because no man will ever make you feel whole – you do that for yourself. And sure, relationships are wonderful when they are healthy and you find someone to complement your life because yeah, it’s nice to know there is another person out there who can tolerate your obnoxious ass and still love you. But to cast aspersions upon another person simply because they choose to be alone on Hallmark holidays is not only unfair but childish. And being single on such a trite “holiday” tells me nothing more about you than you are strong enough to keep going on your own.

About author

Christopher Gutierrez

Christopher Gutierrez is the author of several books on love, sex, and relationships. He also hosts a weekly podcast, The Deep End, in addition to running Deadxstop Publishing. Since 2006, he has given hundreds of speakings at colleges, coffee houses and universities all over the world.

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