Sad fucks.
— June 6, 2017I remember a time when meeting someone who was just as damaged was a bit of a relief. Everyone walking…
So You Want A Healthy Relationship?
— April 29, 2015Time has always been a constant theme in my work. It’s time to get going. It’s time to make a change. It’s time to evolve. It’s about time. Because time is not infinite and I’ve seen time snuffed out of good people quickly. Whether by death or jail or loveless marriages or soul-crushing jobs. You will not be 21 forever. Taxes, bills, kids, hair loss, cancer, lost promotions, weight gain, wrinkles, sagging skin, and the death of your cat will age you and you will look in the mirror and wonder what the hell you were complaining about back when you were young and had energy and could easily survive on Taco Bell and Mountain Dew and three hours of sleep.
But this isn’t going to be one of those posts where I get all stern-dad on you and tell you to get off your ass and stop wasting your life Netflixing and feeling sorry for yourself. Why? Because you should know that by now. It’s time. Yes, it’s time for you to start getting your shit together.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Chris. You’re not my dad.”
You’re goddamn right I’m not. And I know you’re not perfect, just like me. I know someone set you in the middle of a bog filled with pitfalls and bad genes and unrealistic social expectations. I know that you have to push your way through stubborn friends, unsupportive family members, and unhealthy relationships. Just like me.
But understand this – we are all fighting the same fight. Some dirtier than others, but you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment when you look at another human being and forget that they are in the middle of a struggle as well. When you idealize a boyfriend or girlfriend, you dehumanize them. You hold them up to such high emotional expectations that they couldn’t possibly live up to. So when things go wrong, the weight of the crash is overwhelming because you didn’t see it coming.
And you are too goddamn smart for that. You should know by now that no one is perfect. You should know by now that no one can fix you but yourself and you should really know by now that you can not, nor will you ever, have the ability to fix anyone else. At best, you can be a coach and a shoulder to cry on – but no one fixes broken heads and hearts better than the ones that own them.
So yes, it is time. It’s time for you to stop getting fucked up all the time and figure out your shit. Step away from binge watching episodes and turn off the fucking television and put down your phone and be alone with your thoughts. Let them sink it. Every last bit of pain. Every thing you’ve been trying to run from. And it’s going to hurt. And you’re going to want to run back to your comfortable long list of distractions that you’ve built up to keep you insulated from the pain but just know that you’ll never heal unless you get in there and dig out that infection. And while those memories will never go away, you can make them manageable. Tolerable. So that you can walk down the street and smile for no goddamn reason other than knowing you earned it.
And wouldn’t that be awesome if you could find someone like that? Someone who has walked through their fire and come out alive? Someone that you could look to as inspiration. As an example of what can be done if you have enough heart and courage. Wouldn’t that be amazing to fall asleep next to someone who you are proud of?
They do exist and they are out there. But they are not looking for projects to fix. They are looking for someone they are compatible with – not someone to save. Because people who have walked through fire know what it takes, and they look for that in other people. They respect that courage because they know the strength it takes to make it through.
And again, no one is perfect. But there are people who are emotionally secure with managing their demons. So if you want an emotionally secure relationship, stop wasting time and put in the work. Because you’re not going to find one while feeling sorry for yourself. Because no one is coming to save you and if you continue to believe someone is, you’re going to suffer a disappointing life and die lonely and unfulfilled.
You want a healthy relationship? You’re going to have to be half of a healthy relationship. So yes, in my best stern-dad voice – it’s time for you to start getting your shit together.
Because not only do I want you to be happy, but also to allow yourself to be loved and feel like you deserve it.
About author
Featured Articles
-
-
The light of debt
— January 28, 2017The pitch in her voice began to escalate. The words were coming faster and faster in frantic disjointed sentences. The…
-
The best part of my day
— January 4, 2017She went to bed earlier than I did. A little hold over from her time spent in corporate America and…
-
Black clouds
— January 2, 2017There is a sadness that seems to be constantly looming. Our brief periods of elation and splendor are consistently ruined…
-
Every one leaves you with a gift.
— December 13, 2016I can’t for the life of me remember where we even met. Clearly from online dating but which platform and…
-
Light isn’t lost. It is stolen.
— November 1, 2016I used to pride myself on the company I kept. “Your friends are a bunch of assholes.” I would laugh…
-
How do you know when you are in love?
— October 27, 2016Someone once asked me, “How do you know when you are in love?” I responded the way you probably would,…
-
And maybe it is hard.
— April 27, 2016I have always been fascinated by transformations. The desperation and tenacity of the human spirit is fascinating. I am magnetized…
-
So The Old Could Fade
— November 24, 2015The moment we connected is lost to time. You are born with a limited amount of space and as the…
-
Living With The Heartbreak
— September 2, 2015My grandfather was a kind and gentle man. He was kind in the way TV grandfathers treat their grandkids on…
-
The End And On To The Beginning
— August 25, 2015So I guess this is a good time to let you all know that I will be shutting down the…
-
All I Ever Wanted Was To Be Objectified
— August 20, 2015“I had to leave because I went through all the women in that town,” she said. She probably expected me…
-
The Right Thing Is Rarely Easy
— August 18, 2015All I could think was, here we go again. Having the same conversation over and over. I just wanted to…
-
Why No One Can Handle Me
— August 16, 2015She hopped in my car as fast as possible while trying to escape the rain that was coming down in…
-
Youthful Arrogance
— August 14, 2015I knew I could get away with it. The things I was shouting. The way I was embarrassing her in…
-
The Least Likely To Change
— August 12, 2015I was sitting on the couch in my sweatpants catching up on my DVR when my phone lit up. I…
-
Spite Is A Cancer
— August 11, 2015First, I want to begin by apologizing for my lack of articles. This past week was one of the most…
-
Remember To Be Careful
— August 8, 2015We had been talking for an intense twenty minutes. It was short ride, and I looked down at the map…
-
Interviews With Cheaters, Part 5
— August 6, 2015In the summer of 2014, I set out to interview cheaters. Men, women, bi, gay, straight, black, white, young, old,…
-
You Are Not Picky.
— August 4, 2015She stared at me with contempt. Furrowed brow, pursed lips, squinting eyes. It wasn’t playful. It wasn’t endearing or adorable,…
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.