On How To Ruin Your Girlfriend

On How To Ruin Your Girlfriend

If you’re like me, most of your relationships have failed. Maybe some were your fault, but let’s be honest – you’re way too fucking cool and charming, so it’s probably their loss, right? Right. So let’s be real here for a moment. Odds are, the relationship you’re in right now is going to fail. I’m not here to be the pessimistic jerk, but let’s look at your history. Let’s look at all of our history.

So what to do?

Well, the only real shot we have at having a truly long-lasting relationship is to act like every single one we’re in is the last one we will ever be in. But we also can’t help but think that someone will inevitably come after us. Someone will share the bed with the person we cuddle with. Someone will sing happy birthday to them with their family and someone will help them pick out the name of their next cat. And that kind of sucks. And if you think about it long enough, it kind of makes you mad knowing there is some turd out there in the world that is just lying in wait for us to end things so they can swoop in and pick up where we left off.

Well, I am not having it.

So I’m here to ruin it for everyone. So now I go into loving someone with the mentality of, oh, you plan on dating someone after me, do you? Well I’m going to make it hell for him. I mean, you’re going to expect him to make the bed. Because, well, don’t boyfriends that love you do that kind of stuff? I mean, Chris did, and that dude barely knows how to tie his shoes. So if he can do my dishes every day or clean the cat box or sweep or do my laundry or buy me my favorite ice cream, well then excuse me, mr. new bf – why can’t you?

Because that is the key to making a relationship successful. Work. You have to put in work, kids. Do so many little things that they don’t ever look at you and say, “Why don’t you ever do nice little things for me?” Because if you ever hear those words, what they’re really saying is, “I would really like to feel loved and appreciated a little more,” and that is an indication that you’re doing a bad job of holding up your end of the relationship. If you have ever truly loved someone, you will get happiness from their happiness. And you would be surprised at just how easy it is to make someone smile.

Every last person likes to feel appreciated. And when you do the little things for a person, they feel like you appreciate them. They feel loved and acknowledged. You like that feeling, so why wouldn’t your partner. And that could be anything from making them a little snack before they leave for work or surprising them with a pizza to remembering to DVR their favorite show to proudly introducing her to your friends as your girlfriend.

So go out of your way to ruin your partner right now. Do all the little things so that anyone that comes after you couldn’t possibly live up to what you’ve left in your wake. Goodnight forehead kisses, surprise dinners, smiles across crowded rooms, holding hands walking down the sidewalk – so that when they look around, they feel sorry for everyone else in their B- relationships.

Ruin them forever with how much you care about their happiness.

About author

Christopher Gutierrez

Christopher Gutierrez is the author of several books on love, sex, and relationships. He also hosts a weekly podcast, The Deep End, in addition to running Deadxstop Publishing. Since 2006, he has given hundreds of speakings at colleges, coffee houses and universities all over the world.

Leave a reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.