I remember a time when meeting someone who was just as damaged was a bit of a relief. Everyone walking…
As a woman and a “reformed crazy girl,” let me be the first to burst your bubble: The perfect woman does not exist. Sorry guys. She just doesn’t.
Now, anyone with half a brain will recognize and accept the fact that no person is 100% flawless. But we’ve been lead to believe that there’s this perfect type of woman out there, and her flaws are really just positives and she is your dream girl. The film industry calls her the “manic pixie dream girl”. Film critic Nathan Rabin describes her as “that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.” This girl has a sense of whimsical innocence. Her purpose is to teach you that there’s a better way of living. She’s a little bit self-deprecating and brushes herself off as “weird.” And, of course, she’s stunningly beautiful in a quirky, indie-rock kind of way.
The manic pixie dream girl only exists in your mind. The problem is that if a man finds a woman who doesn’t fit into this trope, she’s considered “crazy”.
I call myself a “reformed crazy girl” because I no longer allow myself to feed into the idea of the manic pixie dream girl. After years of desperately wanting to be her and failing, I realized that she doesn’t exist. She’s an idea. No woman could ever possibly be her. And there’s no point in trying to be something that isn’t real. We drive ourselves crazy trying to be her, and then when we fail you (because, let’s face it, we WILL fail you if this is your expectation), and you’ll just write us off as “another crazy girl that it didn’t work out with.”
But you know what is real? My flaws. My anxieties. My insecurities from years of trying to be the perfect girlfriend, of trying to be cool and aloof and not show that I’m freaking out on the inside when you don’t call or stay out too late or ditch a dinner with my family to go hang out with your friends. And the fact that I can really fuck up a batch of mac n’ cheese and cry about it.
To quote Kate Winslet’s character in ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’: “Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m gonna make them alive. But I’m just a fucked-up girl who’s lookin’ for my own peace of mind; don’t assign me yours.”
Maybe you need to step back and think if we truly are “crazy,” or did your unrealistic expectations make us this way?
I feel like I can speak for most women when I say that we are not here to teach you how to be a better person. We are not here to expand your world view or help you discover your hidden talents. We are just as fucked up and lost as you are. Our problems aren’t “cute;” they’re real and we try to overcome them every day. But that doesn’t mean we’re crazy. It just means that we’re human, and we need love, too.