Sad fucks.
— June 6, 2017I remember a time when meeting someone who was just as damaged was a bit of a relief. Everyone walking…
Confusing Men And How To Avoid Them
— February 6, 2015Every person we encounter is different. Even if there is nothing noticeably unique about their character when we meet them. We are all made up of our experiences and upbringing and environment. Then you have to add in your parents influence or lack thereof. With so many abusive or inattentive or smothering parents in this world, it’s almost impossible to run into two people who behave and respond exactly the same. Which sucks in a way because what we have learned along the way isn’t universal. Often the tactics we used to communicate in our past don’t work on the next person and it feels like we need to start all over again from scratch. It’s like, right when you feel like you have a good grasp on understanding the dynamics of relationships, some jerk comes along, doesn’t play by the rules and ruins everything. And you’re all, hey, what the hell, man. I just spent years trying to figure you jerks out and now I can’t predict any of your behaviors. I mean, why don’t you text me back immediately? All the other guys did. Why aren’t you trying to get in my pants all the time? All the other guys did. Why don’t you ask about my day? I am a damn good story teller. All the guys liked what I had to say.
The worst part about all of this is that after walking away confused, irritated, and frustrated – you find yourself wanting to know why. Like, why isn’t he blowing up my phone? Why doesn’t he see me like every other guy? What does he see that is appealing enough to want to chat with but not in regular intervals? What is wrong with this guy? I need to know more. And that’s when we’re fucked.
Then we spend the next three months or three years in a continuous frustrating loop of attempting to decode this unpredictable behavior. Like why is it that he seems so in love with me then the next minute it seems like he can’t stand me? How can he say that he’s so in love with me so convincingly yet the next night call me every awful name in the book? Why is he so hot and cold? Why can’t he just be the guy that I fell in love with all the time?
It’s in our nature to want to be intrigued with the anomalies. We can’t help but slow down for car crashes, or watch documentaries on medical mysteries, or read books on the incredible experiences of others. And of course that inquisitive nature is going to spill over to our stupid dating life and ruin everything. Especially when we can’t figure them out because it leaves us frustrated. Which leads to anger. Which leads to animosity. Which leads to the inevitable ugly destruction of the relationship.
You’d think it would end with the break-up, right? Nope. Because we are still left with a list of questions that never either were addressed or answered to our satisfaction and then we are cursed to go to sleep with that on our brains for weeks, months, and sometimes years. Like, what the hell was he thinking? I mean, what would drive a human being to treat me like that? Is he doing this to other women out there? I should really get ahold of his exs and we should start a support group, or at the very least, a group text where we can try to get to the bottom of this jerks erratic behavior.
But odds are, you’ll never get the answers you need because most people never get the closure they want. Most of us have to keep going on with life wondering what the hell really happened. Without answers. Without closure. And left questioning our judgment, taste, and intelligence by wondering how the hell we allowed that in to our lives.
So from a guy who has left a handful of confused women in his wake, let me give you a little advice. Don’t date men who don’t, won’t, or refuse to communicate with you effectively. Yes, I know you find him intriguing and wonderful and look how sexy he is – but trust me, if a man doesn’t know how to explain his intentions, desires, or frustrations I guarantee it will leave you discouraged and angry.
Understand your value. Learn what it is that you’re willing to compromise and what you’re not willing to sacrifice. Say it out loud. Write it down. Make shit weird on the first date and tell him over drinks that if he can’t communicate, you won’t give him the opportunity to be taken seriously.
Because at the end of all of this, relationships are about enhancing your life. We have enough roadblocks set in front of us and enough people trying to drag us down already to allow one more person to become an emotional burden sitting on our couch eating all of our food and not knowing how or why to say thank you.
About author
Featured Articles
-
-
The light of debt
— January 28, 2017The pitch in her voice began to escalate. The words were coming faster and faster in frantic disjointed sentences. The…
-
The best part of my day
— January 4, 2017She went to bed earlier than I did. A little hold over from her time spent in corporate America and…
-
Black clouds
— January 2, 2017There is a sadness that seems to be constantly looming. Our brief periods of elation and splendor are consistently ruined…
-
Every one leaves you with a gift.
— December 13, 2016I can’t for the life of me remember where we even met. Clearly from online dating but which platform and…
-
Light isn’t lost. It is stolen.
— November 1, 2016I used to pride myself on the company I kept. “Your friends are a bunch of assholes.” I would laugh…
-
How do you know when you are in love?
— October 27, 2016Someone once asked me, “How do you know when you are in love?” I responded the way you probably would,…
-
And maybe it is hard.
— April 27, 2016I have always been fascinated by transformations. The desperation and tenacity of the human spirit is fascinating. I am magnetized…
-
So The Old Could Fade
— November 24, 2015The moment we connected is lost to time. You are born with a limited amount of space and as the…
-
Living With The Heartbreak
— September 2, 2015My grandfather was a kind and gentle man. He was kind in the way TV grandfathers treat their grandkids on…
-
The End And On To The Beginning
— August 25, 2015So I guess this is a good time to let you all know that I will be shutting down the…
-
All I Ever Wanted Was To Be Objectified
— August 20, 2015“I had to leave because I went through all the women in that town,” she said. She probably expected me…
-
The Right Thing Is Rarely Easy
— August 18, 2015All I could think was, here we go again. Having the same conversation over and over. I just wanted to…
-
Why No One Can Handle Me
— August 16, 2015She hopped in my car as fast as possible while trying to escape the rain that was coming down in…
-
Youthful Arrogance
— August 14, 2015I knew I could get away with it. The things I was shouting. The way I was embarrassing her in…
-
The Least Likely To Change
— August 12, 2015I was sitting on the couch in my sweatpants catching up on my DVR when my phone lit up. I…
-
Spite Is A Cancer
— August 11, 2015First, I want to begin by apologizing for my lack of articles. This past week was one of the most…
-
Remember To Be Careful
— August 8, 2015We had been talking for an intense twenty minutes. It was short ride, and I looked down at the map…
-
Interviews With Cheaters, Part 5
— August 6, 2015In the summer of 2014, I set out to interview cheaters. Men, women, bi, gay, straight, black, white, young, old,…
-
You Are Not Picky.
— August 4, 2015She stared at me with contempt. Furrowed brow, pursed lips, squinting eyes. It wasn’t playful. It wasn’t endearing or adorable,…
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.