I remember a time when meeting someone who was just as damaged was a bit of a relief. Everyone walking…
We have all heard the saying that there is a difference between words and actions. And it’s pretty simple. There is no misunderstanding. So why is it that so many of us continue to stay for the words and fall for the lies? Why is it that he promised over and over again that he wouldn’t lie or cheat or he would change his actions and you believed him? He stayed and things went right back to how they always had been and then the same issue inevitably came back around and you found yourself screaming, “You promised you would change and nothing changed.”
Because you were the victim of manipulation.
If I date you, I pay attention. I am constantly taking notes of our arguments and what sets you off. I notice what irritates you on television, what actions drive you crazy, and what words with what tone in what cadence calm you. What relaxes you. What convinces you that things will be alright. But I’m not the only one. Plenty of people do this even if it’s subconsciously.
But it’s not your fault.
You believed the words because you wanted to believe the lie. You know there is a good person deep down in there. The guy you fell in love with. The guy who courted you and flirted with you and sent you adorable texts before you went to bed. That guy. The guy who smiled at you and promised you that he would be the one to not hurt you. The guy who held doors and made plans together and wanted to meet your family. The guy who looked forward to his time with you. That guy. And you believed him because he told you the words you wanted to hear. Even if you knew the entire time it was a lie. Because this time – well, this time it was going to be the truth.
You are not a fool.
There is nothing wrong with having faith in your love. Oh sure, you’re definitely bound to be disappointed, but you love hard and at least your love is real. And that is what this world needs. But what it doesn’t need is another woman left broken because she invested her real and genuine love in a person who never learned how to be a real man and love you back in all the ways you have earned. You simply believed in the man he could be. The problem is, he doesn’t see what you see and he doesn’t believe in himself the way you do and you are simply not strong enough to hold up two people forever.
He is not ready for a woman like you.
And that is the simple truth. As a person who has been “that guy,” I can tell you with absolute certainty, that you are far too emotionally evolved for him. He is intimidated by you and your capacity to love and he knows he can never match it no matter how hard he tries. And all those factors lead to one thing, you feeling consistently let down and disappointed because you are simply not emotionally compatible. And he knows this and he will tell you the words you want to hear in all the most convincing ways because he cares and he doesn’t like seeing you in pain. So he says the words to pull your heart back together. And in that moment, he will mean it – even if he knows he can’t live up to his words. But in his own childish ways, he does love you.
But he will never love you in the way you deserve.
Now spend today feeling sorry for yourself. Let all the pain and regret in and cry it all out. Then, wipe your face, turn around, and walk away because you know you deserve better. Because if you don’t you’re doomed to keep dating emotionally immature men who will never love you the way you need. And you have to ask yourself if you have earned the opportunity to have a healthy relationship and if you believe you have, the only way that is going to happen is to let go of the selfish little boys who don’t know how to love and throw them back to be someone else’s problem. Because you’re way too smart to be consistently fooled by manipulative little boys who are all talk and no action. They’re not the only ones who are hot or can play guitar or have a lot of money – there are plenty of guys like that out in this world who are also real men who know how to show love and not just make weak promises.
All you have to do is believe you have earned that kind of love.