Rock By Rock

Rock By Rock

We hear all the time about how important self-confidence is to our growth. It seems to be the catch-all for improving whatever problems we seem to be facing at that moment. The phrases like, “Oh, you’re so much stronger than you think you are.” And, “Just pick yourself up and dust yourself off.” And, “You just do you.” In their own way, echo the sentiment of understanding your strengths. The idea being that if you can just internalize how strong you are, you will be much more prepared and capable of taking on any of the tasks, opportunities, or drama thrown your way.

And they are right.

But knowing that isn’t what is important. It’s finding confidence that makes the difference.

So if it’s that easy, how do we build confidence? Well, we do that by challenging our preconceived notion of what we are capable of. We tend to run away from intimidating challenges. Not because we’re scared, but because we’re scared to fail or to look like a fool. And that fear of failure is what prevents us from taking the risks that could provide the most reward.

So we stay in loveless relationships because we are scared to be alone.
Or we put off break-ups out of fear of confrontation.
Or we maintain friendships because it’s easier to stay connected than it is to deal with the drama and gossip.
Or we stay at a job that eats our soul because we fear change.

Losing friends is scary. Attempting something new and looking like a fool is embarrassing. Failing after taking a chance is humiliating. And being alone with our thoughts is terrifying. I don’t blame anyone for running away from risk or ignoring opportunity. We are all fragile at times. I understand that fear and it can be crippling. Instability scares most people to maintain what they know. What they’re accustomed to. It’s the same reason why most people don’t have passports or move more than five miles from where they grew up. Because most people are terrified at the unknown possibilities.

But is that you?
Is that what you want for yourself?
If you are just fine and happy with who you are and where you’re headed, well, this isn’t directed at you. This is for the people who know they can be better. To the people who want more for themselves. For us who are dissatisfied with where we are standing. Knowing there is a world of possibility out there just waiting for us to discover it. You are who I’m talking to.

Confidence isn’t something we are born with nor is it something we can attain overnight. But any little we possess will wither away if it is not nurtured and challenged. We need to consistently expect better of ourselves. To recognize that while we may never be prefect, we should never stop striving for perfection. And that is what will set us apart. That will make us more attractive to others. And that is what will enrich our lives.

Challenging ourselves can be anything from complimenting a stranger, to signing up for classes, to telling your partner what scares you, to starting a simple blog to write about your childhood abuse. You would really be surprised at how small little changes you make to the monotony of your life will impact your confidence.

So starting a blog is going to fix your relationship? Well of course not. But it certainly will begin the process of a altering a stagnant mentality. It will demonstrate that you are capable of attempting things that might scare you. And more than anything, it will give you a tiny bit of courage that you didn’t have before – and that little bit of courage translates into confidence. And sometimes it’s just that tiny bit of courage that we need to leave. Or walk away. Or move. Or change the things we don’t like about ourselves.

Moving a mountain is impossible if you see it as a mountain.
But if you see it as a pile of rocks – rocks that you can move one by one. You would really be surprised at how much of that mountain you can move if you work on it just a little every single day.

And the smaller that mountain gets, the more happiness you will allow into your head and your heart.

About author

Christopher Gutierrez

Christopher Gutierrez is the author of several books on love, sex, and relationships. He also hosts a weekly podcast, The Deep End, in addition to running Deadxstop Publishing. Since 2006, he has given hundreds of speakings at colleges, coffee houses and universities all over the world.

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