Interviews With Cheaters, Part 5

Interviews With Cheaters, Part 5

In the summer of 2014, I set out to interview cheaters. Men, women, bi, gay, straight, black, white, young, old, doctors, and students. I sent out questionnaires and received over 50 responses. Along with almost 20 in-person interviews, I set out to write a book getting to the core of why and how people are so promiscuous. The responses were shocking and after some thought, I didn’t feel comfortable putting that kind of alarmist journalism back out into the world. Although I gained some valuable insight into the world of infidelity, I found that it is rarely as simple as it seems.
Below is an small excerpt from an anonymous interview that I conducted in person with with an anonymous man straight man in his late 20s. We met via a Craigslist I places and agreed to talk at a Starbucks. Outside of a coffee, he was not compensated and never told me his name.

Me:
So how long have you been cheating on your girlfriend?

Him:
I have cheated in every relationship I have been in since college.

Me:
And where do you usually meet the women?

Him:
Online. It’s just easier than having to go out to the clubs and bars.

Me:
How is it easier?

Him:
When you go to the club, you don’t know who is there with their boyfriend or who is married or who is even looking to smash. Online you know that the chicks there are all looking for a dude. Boyfriend, fuck buddy, or whatever. They are all there for dick in some way, you know?

Me:
So how do you get away without someone possibly finding your dating profile?

Him:
That is how dudes get caught up. Tinder is the best to find chicks to fuck but it links to your Facebook. You could always use pics that don’t really show your face but if you have tattoos they could be a giveaway (he points to his forearms). The best way is to find a really obscure dating site or app. One that freaks would probably use and not one of her co-workers might see or some shit.

Me:
So where have you had the most success?

Him:
Craigslist. You won’t find the hottest chicks but you can find some desperate chicks trolling for dick. Like if you just wanna fuck and don’t care about what she looks like or ever talking to her again, Craigslist is the spot.

Me:
Have you ever gotten caught?

Him:
Close a few times but you just have to make sure you stay on your game. Always log out of everything. Always reset your internet browser. I use private browsing just to make sure. Always use a secret email account and immediately erase emails from your sent and trash folder. Make sure to switch to texting as quick as possible. Before I go to sleep I always do one last sweep and erase all my texts too because all chicks will go through your phone if they have the opportunity.

Me:
Do you ever feel guilty?

Him:
All the time, dude. I’ll go in phases. I’ll cheat bad for a few weeks then take off a few months until the urge comes along again. There is always this remorseful period that comes afterward. I think my girlfriend sees it. I will act super lovey and shit around her afterward. I feel like I need to make it up to her but I can’t tell her.

Me:
Do you think you will ever stop?

Him:
I hope so. Fuck, I don’t want to be the old dude looking for ass on the internet.

Me:
What do you think it would take for you to stop cheating?

Him:
I don’t know. I used to think it was having a down ass chick but my current lady is perfect and I still cheat. Maybe it will just go away the older I get but I don’t know, man. Now you got me thinking.

Me:
Well, that is my purpose with this. To take an objective look at why people cheat in hopes that it will help bring some clarity for everyone involved.

Him:
Well just tell everyone that it has nothing to do with how cool you are. You could be the hottest bitch on the planet and if a dude is prone to cheating, he will eventually cheat. It has nothing to do with them. My girlfriend is incredible but I still cheat on her. It’s not her fault though. It’s 100% mine. I have a problem. It’s like a fucking drug. Most of the time I don’t even care how they look. If they’re down to smash, I’ll usually do it. But I still love my girlfriend. It’s weird. I hope you can figure out why that is with your book.

Me:
Me too.

About author

Christopher Gutierrez

Christopher Gutierrez is the author of several books on love, sex, and relationships. He also hosts a weekly podcast, The Deep End, in addition to running Deadxstop Publishing. Since 2006, he has given hundreds of speakings at colleges, coffee houses and universities all over the world.

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