Interviews With Cheaters, Part 3

Interviews With Cheaters, Part 3

In the summer of 2014, I set out to interview cheaters. Men, women, bi, gay, straight, black, white, young, old, doctors, and students. I sent out questionnaires and received over 50 responses. Along with almost 20 in-person interviews, I set out to write a book getting to the core of why and how people are so promiscuous. The responses were shocking. I didn’t feel right putting that kind of alarmist journalism back out into the world, although I gained some valuable insight into the world of infidelity and found that it is rarely as simple as it seems.
Below is an small excerpt from an anonymous interview that I conducted with someone via email. A straight woman in her late 20s. She was not compensated and never told me her name.

Question # 16
Do you feel you will cheat again? And if so, how does that make you feel?

I don’t really remember the first time I cheated on someone since I have never been faithful to anyone my entire life. Even when I was in elementary school and we had pretend boyfriends, I would always sneak away to kiss other boys under the curly slide.

I think the concept of monogamy is unnatural. If it wasn’t, why would we continue to have the desire to be with other people if we have a perfectly fine companion at home? I have been in plenty of “committed” relationships and I am even in one right now but I am not faithful at all and I don’t think I ever can be. I say what I have to say to make sure the relationship survives. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in love with them. I really am, but just because I am in love with someone doesn’t make the desire to have sex with other people go away. I am still young and have the opportunity to have sex with many different people, so I do. I don’t deprive myself of the pleasure I get from one night stands. The thrill and excitement is much too powerful to walk away from and I can’t imagine never doing it again.

One day I will get married and I will pretend to be faithful, but there will probably be a good chance that I will have had sex with many of the people sitting in that church and there’s a pretty good chance that I would probably still be having sex with some of them. I know this sounds like I am evil, but I do everything I can to make sure my boyfriend doesn’t find out. I really do love him and I care about him. I just need this part of life. It is something my boyfriend can’t give me because I know him and I love him. I have one night stands with people because it is the opposite. I can have amazing sex with a stranger because I don’t know them and I know I won’t see them again. It is a huge turn-on.

He would never understand. I have tried to talk to other guys about this before and it turns out, no one wants to have a girlfriend who hooks up with strangers all the time. So I just don’t tell anyone anymore because I still want to have a relationship and someone to love. Otherwise, I would spend my life alone.

I don’t know if it will ever stop, I can’t even imagine it. So I continue this with no end in sight. It really isn’t something that I get sad over or anything. I have accepted it as just part of who I am and it is something that I have to hide from my boyfriends if I ever want to have a lasting relationship. My close friends tell me that once I find the right guy I won’t want to have sex with other people but I have been in love with some wonderful men and the desire never went away. Not even close.

About author

Christopher Gutierrez

Christopher Gutierrez is the author of several books on love, sex, and relationships. He also hosts a weekly podcast, The Deep End, in addition to running Deadxstop Publishing. Since 2006, he has given hundreds of speakings at colleges, coffee houses and universities all over the world.

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