I remember a time when meeting someone who was just as damaged was a bit of a relief. Everyone walking…
In the summer of 2014, I set out to interview cheaters. Men, women, bi, gay, straight, black, white, young, old, doctors, and students. I sent out questionnaires and received over 50 responses. Along with almost 20 in-person interviews, I set out to write a book getting to the core of why and how people are so promiscuous. The responses were shocking. I didn’t feel right putting that kind of alarmist journalism back out into the world, although I gained some valuable insight into the world of infidelity and found that it is rarely as simple as it seems.
Below is an small excerpt from an anonymous interview that I conducted with someone via email. A straight woman in her late 20s. She was not compensated and never told me her name.
Question # 16
Do you feel you will cheat again? And if so, how does that make you feel?
I don’t really remember the first time I cheated on someone since I have never been faithful to anyone my entire life. Even when I was in elementary school and we had pretend boyfriends, I would always sneak away to kiss other boys under the curly slide.
I think the concept of monogamy is unnatural. If it wasn’t, why would we continue to have the desire to be with other people if we have a perfectly fine companion at home? I have been in plenty of “committed” relationships and I am even in one right now but I am not faithful at all and I don’t think I ever can be. I say what I have to say to make sure the relationship survives. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in love with them. I really am, but just because I am in love with someone doesn’t make the desire to have sex with other people go away. I am still young and have the opportunity to have sex with many different people, so I do. I don’t deprive myself of the pleasure I get from one night stands. The thrill and excitement is much too powerful to walk away from and I can’t imagine never doing it again.
One day I will get married and I will pretend to be faithful, but there will probably be a good chance that I will have had sex with many of the people sitting in that church and there’s a pretty good chance that I would probably still be having sex with some of them. I know this sounds like I am evil, but I do everything I can to make sure my boyfriend doesn’t find out. I really do love him and I care about him. I just need this part of life. It is something my boyfriend can’t give me because I know him and I love him. I have one night stands with people because it is the opposite. I can have amazing sex with a stranger because I don’t know them and I know I won’t see them again. It is a huge turn-on.
He would never understand. I have tried to talk to other guys about this before and it turns out, no one wants to have a girlfriend who hooks up with strangers all the time. So I just don’t tell anyone anymore because I still want to have a relationship and someone to love. Otherwise, I would spend my life alone.
I don’t know if it will ever stop, I can’t even imagine it. So I continue this with no end in sight. It really isn’t something that I get sad over or anything. I have accepted it as just part of who I am and it is something that I have to hide from my boyfriends if I ever want to have a lasting relationship. My close friends tell me that once I find the right guy I won’t want to have sex with other people but I have been in love with some wonderful men and the desire never went away. Not even close.