It really is an interesting thing to look at if you step back for a minute –
this life we have created for ourselves. Yes, this very minute.
Everything you have ever loved, hated, fed into, bought or sold has led
here. With very minimal influence, what you see around you is
essentially your own fault, doing, or accomplishment.
I have gone on and on for years about claiming responsibility for lives
we live. Why? I tell myself because I feel not enough people have
heard what I need to say. Or maybe they have and I simply have some
deep-rooted insecurities that i curb by placing them in the brains of
others. Or maybe I simply feel I posses some odd destiny to use my
pin-hole spotlight to it’s greatest advantage. What it probably consists
of is a combination of all three. The only thing I know for certain is
that I’m amazingly still here.
Through this journey I’ve been lied to, betrayed, stolen from, had my
heart broken, been negative in my bank account, ruined women’s
months, disappointed friends, and almost turned off my lights
forever… that last part a few times. But I didn’t – and THAT is what is
most important.
We joke about wanting to die. Sometimes it’s more than a joke.
Oftentimes we lie in bed and pray to whatever will listen that we won’t
wake up. But the one thing that binds us all, every last soul reading
these words at this very moment is the fact that none of us went
through it. For as difficult as shit may seem and for as trying life is
right now none of you ever pulled the trigger. Oh, you may have made
the attempt but you didn’t die. Why? Because you didn’t want it to
truly end. And you know just as well as I do that if you truly want to
end things you can do so with no mistakes.
But you didn’t. You stayed. You’re here.
And what does that say about you?

You and I are survivors. No matter how many hateful and bullying
comments we kept walking. Did we lose it? A few times, sure. Fuck
man, we’re human. But we didn’t fold. And when shit got heavy and
we felt like the last person on the planet, we raged through that shit,
found new friends, discovered new bands, kissed new people, and
surprised the fuck out of ourselves.
So how the hell did we pull it off?
Truthfully, I don’t know. I wish I knew the true definition of
perseverance. Sure you can look that shit up, but they will just give you
more words to describe the words like: love, appreciation, and
infatuation. But no one truly knows the definition until you experience
it. Just like no one knows the definition of survivor unless you’ve been
given every justifiable reason to end it all and you managed to wake up
smiling. And that’s what we did. Don’t sell yourself short either
because in doing so you spit on the graves of those who came before
you who never got to learn the true meaning of the word. You made it,
they didn’t. Respect that. Earn the right to be here. To call yourself a
survivor. You made it this fucking far after all that shit you rode
through. And while it seems like our lives never get a fucking break…
good. Fuck them. Fuck those shitty friends, close-minded haters, and
superficial assholes who try and impose their bullshit expectations
upon you. Fuck the heartless people who never held our hearts with the
compassion they earned and fuck every last single person who never
thought we would make it. Because making it isn’t finishing first, it’s
keeping your head up through the rigors of the run. And as long as you
can still read this, you’re doing just fucking fine.

Better than fine.

Because you’re here.

From my book Hard Feelings

About author

Christopher Gutierrez

Christopher Gutierrez is the author of several books on love, sex, and relationships. He also hosts a weekly podcast, The Deep End, in addition to running Deadxstop Publishing. Since 2006, he has given hundreds of speakings at colleges, coffee houses and universities all over the world.

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