I remember a time when meeting someone who was just as damaged was a bit of a relief. Everyone walking…
There are thing that are going to happen in your life as you grow up. You will realize that you spent a great deal of your youth longing to feel older, because somehow being older would give you access and the respect you long for. But, really being older comes with more troubles than being young ever did.
As you get older you will treasure your health. You will start eating properly and making healthy green smoothies, because only a young body can exist on cheeseburgers and soda. You will think, really, really, think before you make a choice. You won’t send passionate letters, or fast reactions to anyone because you have learned that you WILL feel differently in the morning. You will come to expect that people change, and it’s not always for the better, but you can’t stop it. You won’t put up with people wasting your time, because you have less and less of it. You will crave honesty. You will crave the kind of honesty that comes with hearing something your oldest friend says, and know that they wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.
You will stop caring about being popular or liked. You will mostly care about doing a good job and that warm fuzzy feeling that comes from working really hard on something, and being proud of the outcome, even if no one notices. You will want a house, of your own, that you own, that you can paint and wreck and decorate, and even print out those rolls of return address labels with confidence that in a year it won’t mean a new apartment, or worse, a new city.
You will start taking care of your skin, and you will wear a hat to the beach because you can see a very small sparkle of what your 60 year old face will look like and it scares you.
You will seek love. You will not seek attention, sex, lust, obsession, or all the other things you used to be able to convince yourself were love. You will seek love. You will open your heart to being loved, fully. You will carry a very small group of friends with you, maybe one or two or three and those friends will become your small army. Everyone else will fade into their small armies, and you will reconvene at weddings and birthday parties, and it will be totally ok. Your closest friends will be loyal and they will be as good of a friend to you, as you are to them. This friendship will have nothing to do with you getting into cool clubs or parties. You will be older, and farther away from the catwalk models of “perfect youth” that the world sells us as the standard of beauty. You will be older, and you will get wrinkles and you will love your face more than you ever did when you were “young”.
You might actually like yourself, something that is almost impossible until you grow up and can see that you are not so bad after all.
You will learn that the world isn’t fair. But that fairness is not what you truly desire. You truly desire truth. You truly desire love.
I did, I do and I think 33 is so much better than 23. You?